VANOC CEO John Furlong presented his Top Ten list of Olympic requests in his Vancouver Board of Trade address Thursday, demonstrating – yet again – how little he understands marketing or the people of Metro Vancouver.

In a city still coming to grips with news that financing for the Olympic Games Athlete Village project is in jeopardy thanks to the global economic collapse – this local crisis and proposed solutions continuing to be the matter of furious debate among Vancouver residents – Furlong’s comments leave British Columbia residents shaking their heads in amazement. Furlong pulled his fingers from his ears and stopped repeating lalalalalalalalalalalalala just long enough to challenge business leaders in town to consider mandated vacation for employees during the Games and asked residents to work from home, alter their hours or apparently just forget they have jobs entirely and stay off the streets to make room for the Olympic traffic.

Many who know him say Furlong is an incurable dreamer and these Games are the culmination of a life-long desire. Maybe so, but how could he possibly expect a business owner to close the doors – no revenue coming in – for two weeks during the Games? How could he expect a business owner to mandate its employees to take their two weeks in that glorious meteorological time of mid-February and not have it cause a mass exodus or huge drop in company morale? And what about those people in industries that will see their employees running around like one-armed paper-hangers the entire time? Social workers, nurses, doctors, medical services people, cops, firemen, hospitality staff – the Games will tax these people and the people they serve in untold ways without a dime from Olympic coffers when the last medal is presented. Most accept that whatever boost to our economy the Games bring will go right back into paying the big tax bill we all know is coming.

The most insulting thing about Furlong’s patriarchal address – and there are many – is that nothing about his call for leadership and Olympic spirit showed any of either, this was purely dad sitting the kids down before the important business guests come for dinner to warn them to be on their best behaviour because his career depends on it. To the Metro Vancouver people paying for these Games in a multitude of financial, social and logistical ways, Furlong’s exhortations to appoint an office Games Champion, embrace the spirit and support the athletes left many people dumbfounded, asking if he was for real.

He is right on one point: we should support the athletes, because, like us, they are pawns of the IOC, President Jacques Rogge and his Olympic-sized money vacuum and, like us, they will see very little of the revenue their effort and sacrifice produce. The IOC is an organization that makes the Vatican Bank look clean of corruption and yet, we’re all asked – no, told – to make way so their machine can roll into town for two weeks, destroy everything in its path and leave us all wondering what the hell just hit us.

Here are Furlong’s Top Ten Requests in italics with my reality check suggestions beside. Let the Games begin.

1. Leadership… Leadership, we haven’t seen it, yet.
2. Heroes… Hundreds of thousands of Metro Vancouver residents dealing with this mess
3. More heroes… Anyone who doesn’t succumb to a road rage moment during the Games
4. The work day… The 18-hour work day, which is what many essential and high-demand services people will be working
5. Time off… Did I say 18-hour work days?
6. Fewer cars… Fewer cars, finally something we can agree on
7. Work from home… Tell that to the ER doc or the homeless binner
8. Embrace the spirit… Employ the count-to-ten-take-deep-breaths approach
9. Support the athletes… Support the athletes, because they’re being screwed just like you and I
10. Spread the joy… Channel your inner Eckhart Tolle

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